GalacticMu

When you can do this with your Prius, I will listen to what you have to say.

Lately I’ve had a rash of of people calling ____ Williams. Carol. Walter. Nancy. None of these, incidentally, are my first name, my middle name, nor the names of anyone in my direct family. Today a woman called for Barbara, and I said my usual: “There is no one here by that name.”

You see, I think these people are guessing at the first name — it’s crazy, I know, but also it isn’t. While Williams is a common last name, it’s not the most common, leading me to believe that the abundance of folks lookin’ for a Williams is in fact clandestine. If someone had called asking for “Amy Smith” I would have told them they had the wrong phone number, as indeed they had. However, when I get a call for “Barbara Williams” my pissy-hackles go up (which are from, coincidentally, the Williams side of the family) and I say slowly, “There is no one here by that name.” What I really want to be saying is, “I’m onto you. You’ve guessed poorly. You get two more guesses.” Because those next two guesses are never going to be right. And I will laugh and laugh and laugh and then hang up on them.

So again, today, I tell the woman on the phone that there is no Barbara at this number. “Ooooooh -kay,” she says in what I can only describe as a ‘cunty’ tone. “What about Kevin, is there a Kevin available?”

“No, there isn’t,” I say. I pulled out ‘frosty’ for my tone adjective.

“Uh-huh,” she says, “Well, that’s weird, I guess they gave me the wrong number.”

She’s right, that is weird, especially curious considering that she seems to be sort of casting about for likely-sounding names. What I don’t understand is how a last name might end up on some calling list, but a first name doesn’t – shouldn’t they be asking for me by my whole name? Or is this some kind of law they are trying to circumvent where they cannot solicit you directly but they can goad you into saying, “This is the Williams household, but…”

“They sure did,” I tell her, and I hang up.

For the last year I’ve lived in an apartment where the postal carrier can’t understand that there used to be a tenant here with the same last name but the first name of Michelle, and that I don’t actually want Michelle’s mail. I understand that it might be hard to comprehend that more than one person in the world – let alone the same apartment complex – has the surname Williams, but indeed there is. I wrote a little note and pasted in inside my post box that says the only two names we can accept mail for, names that are our own. Nevertheless, Michelle’s mail continues to arrive on a weekly basis (the mail has all been the junk variety, but I like to pretend I have principles).

At the end of the day, I wonder if perhaps I shouldn’t just take over for the other Williamses out there. I should answer “Yes, this is s/he,” and then see what business we Williamses are up to. I suppose I owe it to us.

(for unknown reasons I have poured my drink on myself twice while writing this post)

More than once in my life I’ve been accused of being a misogynist, much to BattleGate and Halcyon’s amusement. And to be fair, it is true. I hate women. As a part of my dislike for women, I enjoy seeing them in preposterous and revealing get-ups, and I like it when they shoot big guns and/or high-kick zombies in the head. Which brings me to my topic: I think I speak for all of us at GalacticMu when I express a deep and abiding love for Milla Jovovich.

What we have with Milla – and we’re not going to mince around here – is a female action movie star. The female action movie star. Yes, she models, yes she can sing and yes, she has a successful clothing line (soon to be at Target!) (I know you think that was snark, but you are incorrect) – none of this matters. There are women in Hollywood with larger breasts, for certain, and better acting skills probably, but not one of them can achieve the same transcendent level of crazy-eyed, gun-toting, back-flipping lady brutality.

I will never be able to comprehend how someone with such a sleek, waxed brow can glower in unmitigated Neanderthal super-rage, but I don’t need to comprehend it. I just need to bask in it.
And don’t get me started on the bone marrow thing! Oh, I love this woman. She gained a normal (read: any) amount of weight while pregnant with her first child, and told reporters that she indulged in her powerful cravings for bone marrow. Yes, lots of people eat bone marrow, but it’s Milla Jovovich! Ukrainian child-model! Zombie-killer! Needs to eat cow skeletons! As far as I’m concerned she went out to a field and kicked those fucking cows in the head herself!

I own a copy of Ultraviolet on DVD. There, I said it. And I’ve been watching her movies pretty closely, so think twice before mocking me. I’m feeling confident about being able to stab something behind me while looking pensively the other direction.

photo: Takis Bibelas

Subspace: Those outfits are fucking hot. I’d be a groupie, and I’d ask them to keep everything but their pants on.

BattleGate: Ha! I read that as you’d wanna frell them and you’d insist that they just take off their pants.

Subspace: That is correct.

BattleGate: Oh

Subspace: Especially the helmet.

Leave the helmet on.

Most of the Americas and the western shores of Europe are in for a treat: a spooky blood-red moon. Perfect time for convincing the less intelligent that you’ve done something to the moon with your mind. Negotiate for something (quickly) and then grant them the return of their precious Luna.

(image credit: NASA)

To read more about it, head over to NASA’s Eclipse Home Page.

Jack Finney’s classic novel The Body Snatchers is re-re-re-made in this science fiction thriller starring Nicole Kidman and the delightful Daniel Craig. Kidman plays the role of Carol Bennell, a psychiatrist on the run from emotionless drone-people seemingly infected with some kind of extraterrestrial virus after the crash of the space shuttle Patriot. Car chases ensue.

Spoilericious review after the jump.

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Q: Does the dog have buddha nature or not?
A: Mu

Mu, from Japanese, means “without” or sometimes “emptiness.” In this context: “unask the question.”

Q: Can we travel back in time?
A: Mu

This question is invalid because it assumes that time has a “back” and a “fore.” Ask a Tralfamadorian.

Q: Is light a particle or a wave?
A: Mu

Categorical thinking, such as this, is usually delusional, and not the fun kind of delusional. Remember this when playing mind-chess on the fourth satellite of shoggoth and some mouthless muttering moon ape tries to pin you with a false duality. Just say “mu.”

Always here to help,
Halcyon
Psych Officer
GalacticMu

No time for model making? Testors sniffing days long gone? Ok, here are some downloadable pdf models. awesome.

Here’s Away Team member Aargh’s delorean:

I like anime. I’m not a cosplay meganerd or anything, and admit to being overwhelmed by anime culture in general. I couldn’t even tell you which directors I like. I do, however, have a favorite anime composer: Susumu Hirasawa.

The mind behind the outstanding musical accompaniments to Millenium Actress (2002), Paranoia Agent (2004) and Paprika (2006), Hirasawa writes what I can only describe as orbital-colony mall beats. Orchestral, bombastic and melodic, Hirasawa is as much a performance artist as a musician: in one famous display he encouraged audience members to call cell phones on stage that had ringtones designed to sound in harmony to his music.

I think his finest work may be the theme song to Paprika, called “The girl in Byakkoya – White Tiger Field”. It is available for free download at teslakite.com: http://www.teslakite.com/freemp3s/e/paprika/

Teslakite doesn’t mention the best part: Hirasawa wants some of his music distributed for free as a protest against “the nations that are headed towards carnage while ignoring international law,” and specifically notes American’s war on Iraq.

Thanks to Quagmire for the photo.