Observations of the Broadcast Kind
Posted by Sunday on Mar 1, 2008 at 4:21 pm in Captain's LogI am aware that I put off a worldly, hyper-futuristic and educated vibe, but when you put me in front of a television I am nothing better than a gasping, pea-brained catfish. Here are some of the few thoughts that made it through.
- When did the Scifi Channel become the Stargate Channel?
- There was an ad for a diet pill that proclaimed to “do more than just shrink your belly” and then proceeded to show a woman who caressed her hips, thighs and butt. My question is: is there a diet pill that just shrinks your belly? And this is some kind of big problem for the diet pill industry?
- I gag when people pronounce “buttah” and think they’re being quirky.
- I am a prudish old woman, which is why when the girl in The Princess Diaries gets made over to look “pretty” I think she looks like a hooker.
- The world “protocepting” and “prognosticators” used within 60 seconds on one program about food.
- One out of every ten commercials on the Food Network is for severe digestive problems.
- Sword swallowing is offensive.
- There are Cadillac commercials where a woman is talking about things (things that turn her on, things that women like in a car) but the audio in intentionally jacked - it’s slightly out of sync, oversaturated, weirdly enunciated - basically it enrages me.
- There are some real fucking assholes on the Food Network.
- Why did True Hollywood Story start calling itself THS? It is upsetting for me since my highschool was called THS and I keep thinking that the True Hollywood Story is about my highschool.
- Have you ever watched Samantha Brown: Passport to Europe? Don’t.
- Seriously, how many episodes of Stargate get made in a week? 14? 30?
- In the year since I’ve seen cable television they’ve invented psychic cars.
- I laugh every goddamn time I see that damn Neanderthal movie trailer.
- I’m not sure how sick it is that I love class action suit commercials, and I don’t care.
I feel you on buttah, though I am sometimes guilty
How do you feel about Chowdah?
I’ve heard that Sci Fi has relapsed into craptacularness.
Hey, you guys got X360 or the ol’ box? Cuz I hears Bioshock and Mass Effect is dope.
Hey! I was wondering when the Valdez family were gonna weigh in!
I’m… borderline on chowdah. I was watching this restaurant review show where they were talking to customers and a woman said, “So-and-so makes the best eggs, because he makes them with cream and BUTTAH,” and she was speaking normally until she got to the butter part. So, it was context as well. But I think the buttah thing is due in large part to people saying “It’s like BUTTAH” in a terrible imitation of an Australian accent. Chowdah doesn’t usually fall into this category.
We have the 360, and we have problems with both Bioshock and Mass Effect: they are life-disruptingly good. Mass Effect is pretty much everything that I want out of a game.
Actually, the “buttah” thing is probably from that Linda Richman Saturday Night Live sketch from the 90s. You know–where Mike Myers is playing his mothah-in-law?
My favorite part of that trailer is when they show that it’s not aliens, but mammoths that built the pyramids.