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Check Off Life List: Meet Buzz Aldrin

Posted by Sunday on Jun 28, 2009 at 12:46 pm in Daily Space, Things That Make Sunday Cry

Every great once and a while, I expect something amazing to happen.  I imagine I feel it coming from a long way off, the preliminary tremors of a large quake, a vibration felt in the earth a long while before the air carries sound.  Yesterday was one of those days, when I went to meet Buzz Aldrin.

Now, I’ve got a real soft spot for Buzz.  Second on the moon, that whole underdog thing.  It faltered a little when I learned he’d received Communion on the moon (how can you look upon the endless black and think that anything simply granted it all as such?) but he kept it to himself and in fact said the words that we should all “(…) give thanks in his or her own way.”  Because foremost, Buzz is simply pro-exploration.  Get off planet, any way, any how, and get it going.  Get to Mars, get new propulsion systems, just get.

And he punched a moon-landing hoax theorist in the face!  That is honestly my happy place.

Unfortunately, I’ll cut to the punchline early: it was a less than stellar day.  In fact, it was pretty disappointing, made worse by the issue that none of it was Buzz’s doing.

I had originally intended to go to a signing at the Westwood Borders Books & Music, but that was Thursday night, right around the time the world learned that Michael Jackson had died.  And for those that don’t know: Westwood is where the UCLA hospital is.  And the bookstore itself is two blocks away.  Which meant that the news kept cutting to scenes of the whole neighborhood cordoned off, traffic reduced to a crawl, reroutes in place to ensure only the passage of ambulances and other needed personnell and most importantly, no me.  I don’t even know if Aldrin’s signing was cancelled, I never made it there.

And here a second chance!  But at the dreaded Grove, a monstrosity of a local mall known for mid-high end retail stores and shoulder-to-shoulder weekend crowds hoping to spot the occasional attention-grubbing celebrity (trust: if a celeb is spotted at The Grove it is because they want to be spotted).  No matter: it was Buzz Aldrin and I’d be there.

I’m not even sure where to begin.  Scratch that, I’ll just print the letter I emailed to Barnes & Noble corporate:

“As much as I am weirded out by writing complaint letters (I prefer to handle these things in person) it would seem it is required as my complaint is about an entire store.

I was at the Buzz Aldrin book-signing on Saturday the 27th at the Hollywood, CA Barnes & Noble (The Grove).

So many unpleasantries happened that it’d sound nuts for me to list them all, so I’ll summarize it: the store was chaos. Not the customers, but the staff. Each staff member was a varying degree of rude, a varying degree of confused and all were totally apathetic.

I suppose what I would suggest to improve the awful experience I had would be to have a tighter system for book signings (I honestly am most shocked at this part – this store hosts celebrity signings every week but it felt like they’d never done it before!) and ensure the staff are all on the same page with the facts. Otherwise, I don’t know what to say. That kind of ill behavior is difficult to intentionally coordinate; I’m not sure how you pulled it off.”

Except I’ll go ahead and sound nuts here on my own website:  the staff?  Were total douchebags.  Each and every one of them.  The scene was a tremendous clusterfuck all the way around, made worse by a hot day.  To give you an idea of what we were dealing with:

  • You had to get a number from the registers in order to get your book signed.
  • In order to get a number, you had to present a book with proof of purchase.  They tried to tell me this meant I needed to buy a book in the store from them right at that moment, which was not true (and seemed intentionally dishonest), and I badgered them until they gave me a number.
  • I was then told that my companion would also need to buy a book in order to simply stand in line with me.  Also not true.
  • The number I was given was 189.
  • Upstairs, people were queuing at a first-come-first-serve basis.  Why were we given numbers?  No one knew why.
  • People with low-digit numbers were pissed off.
  • People queuing behind me were told they needed to queue on a lower floor due to “safety issues.”  These safety reasons were not elaborated upon.
  • Non-queuing rubberneckers stood around, somehow safe from the “safety issues.”
  • All the while, staff were totally apathetic.  A manager-looking type in a tweedy suit was short and rude with everyone.
  • The queue was arranged so that no one could see Mr. Aldrin speaking.

DSC_1128

My view for the talk.

  • The volume of the microphone that Mr. Aldrin spoke into was so low that people called out “louder!” and were hushed.
  • Babies were screaming.
  • It was very hot.
  • Someone called for people with numbers 1-30 who were then seated at the front while Mr. Aldrin let them ask questions.  Neither their questions or his answers were heard by the crowd.

DSC_1132

This photo had to be achieved by holding the camera fully extended over one’s head.

  • The numbers were totally useless, as it turns out, and they allowed the first-come-first-serve queue to continue while he signed books.
  • Mr. Aldrin did not personalize books, nor did he look at or speak to his fans.

Okay, that last bit was a bitter jab, but true.  I’m inclined to let that part pass because the man is 79 years old for fuck’s sake and was basically assaulted by weirdos for hours (seriously: men with bowl-cuts) but it was kinda sad.  I had expected to get teary because I MET A HUMAN WHO HAD BEEN ON THE MOON! but mostly I was overheated and exhausted and disappointed.  Still.

DSC_1141

GO SPACE!

Sigh.  I don’t know.  I certainly won’t be going to another Barnes & Noble event any time in the next 5 years (after which I’ll forget that anything happened).

DSC_1144

Still, I’m glad I went and it’s kind of intense.  After Buzz and his cohorts are gone, will there be more humans to meet that have been to the moon?

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June 28th, 2009 | Daily Space, Things That Make Sunday Cry

12 Responses to “Check Off Life List: Meet Buzz Aldrin”

  1. quagmire Says:

    A small consolation for you Cap’n:
    Simple, signature-only autographs (sans any personalization), books or otherwise, are much more desirable and valuable (monetarily) to the collector world.
    I know, and respect, that this was not your intentions for wanting a signed copy, still, it is a factoid!
    And I must admit, it would be stellar to have;
    ‘ To my Spacebuddy and fellow cosmonaut, Subspace Eddy … watch yer fuel guages … Buzzy’

    le sigh

  2. Sunday Says:

    Exactly. I don’t care about the monetary value of the item, it would have tickled me beyond any possible explanation to have him sign “Spacebuddies 2000!” on the book. I would have shit myself. Very possibly literally.

  3. Zombie Jesus Says:

    Yeah, shitty shitty shit shit shit…okay, I’m sorry, but I am just unable to feel anything besides the tangible shivering thrill of looking at a picture of you standing within spitting distance of SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN ON THE FUCKING MOON.

  4. Sunday Says:

    I know, as the time passes I am more thrilled by the fact that I quaveringly said “Thanks!” to BUZZ FUCKING ALDRIN and less disgusted by what a circus it was. Soon I’ll forget all the bad parts completely.

  5. Catastrophysicist Says:

    All of the disgust that you have for the regular employees of B&N must forever and anon be transubstantiated into a pure failure on the part of the Management at B&N. Whatever the min. wage is in Cali., that’s what those poor souls are being paid to deal with the Buzz Circus. On top of that, they get shit on on the regs for things like, um, not being more than five minutes early for their shift! (even though you can’t punch in until 4 minutes before your shift ;-) They are literally retail slaves, and I should know–I was once one of them!

  6. Sunday Says:

    I should point out: I work at Borders. I make minimum wage. It’s a busy, West Hollywood store next to a giant tourist-infested mall. I’ve worked retail for over a decade. I know that when employees are happy it means that they are being treated well, and when they are universally unhappy it means they are treated shitty. At my store we are underpaid but our management is smart and compassionate, so we get along ok. We are consistently told by customers that they like our store because we are helpful and friendly. I’m sure that we get plenty of complaints, too, but those never really filter down to us (remember: compassionate management).

    Which is all to say that I totally understand and agree with what you wrote, Catastrophysicist, and my letter to B&N (whom of course I never heard back from, not even a robo-letter) should have included a caveat along the lines of: treat your staff better so they treat me better. But the level of disappointment I was at was pretty mindless and that’s what came out.

  7. Sunday Says:

    Eh, I have to add a contradiction to what I just said: a lot of the behavior was Hollywood-specific assholery. I mean, there’s a smugness to Los Angeles that can’t be disputed, particularly in places where celebrities are often present. And on a level, I get that: if you spent your whole day going above-and-beyond for tourists (or residents, even), at the end of the day you’d have no soul left at all. But on another level I got a full helping of holier-than-thou from each employee, not just frustrated, tired pissiness. I feel like I can tell the difference. And I also know that a letter to corporate will change exactly nothing.

  8. Tom Poynton Says:

    You had to top my “met someone who has walked across Antarctica” didn’t you…

  9. Zneska Says:

    I was so looking forward to this meeting – at the grove – however I ttally forgot and was pissed off at myslf 4 awhile! Im visiting USA from o/s and it was my only chance to see him – im still kind of upset – is there any other place he will be soon – in LA? thx, so glad u saw him, but the grove sux big time – i totally agree!!!

  10. Sunday Says:

    Zneska:

    The good news is that Mr. Aldrin lives in Los Angeles (in the Westwood area, I hear). The bad news is that because of his book and the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, he is currently on tour.

    I know this because he maintains a Twitter feed about his public speaking engagements, here:

    http://twitter.com/Therealbuzz

    It appears from his feed that as of yesterday he was headed to Ohio from Florida.

    I don’t know how long you’re going to be in LA, but I’d keep watching his Twitter feed to see if he’s coming back soon (you can also ask him questions on it, though in my experience he rarely answers).

    Good luck!

  11. Nastybear Says:

    I just got to say he earned a ton of cool points when he punched that nut job in the face.

  12. nypinta Says:

    I agree with Nastybear. That’s why I listed him under “heroes” on my MySpace page. (The one I haven’t looked at in months…) And the whole waking on the moon thing didn’t hurt. But if hadn’t walked on the moon, his punching that guy would just have been random violence. I can’t get behind that.

    Sorry your experience sucked so bad. The thing is, it probably wouldn’t have taken much to make sure everyone had a good time but no one bothered to think it through and reacted pissy to people about it instead of fixing it. That’s never cool.

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