Press your spaceface close to mine

When Abu Malfunctions, Hardly Anyone Dies

Posted by Sunday on Oct 31, 2008 at 1:24 pm in Techie, The Future

Last week I read an article about an experimental psychological tool for astronauts: a computer.

The concept is very, very basic: write a program that walks the user through self-treatment. As I was reading, my first reaction was to dismiss the entire thing – yes, that’s what I’d need if I were depressed, an emotionless checklist presented to me in the form of a computer program (the article is also hilariously quick to insist it would be “nothing like science fiction’s infamous HAL,” because, you know, it’s important to clarify that it won’t kill the crew off).

Human psychology is something I make no claims in understanding. When I’m feeling depressed I occasionally think, “Maybe I need help?” since TV tells me I do, but then I realize, “Wait, it’s legitimately depressing to understand that human beings suffer needlessly.” If I’m totally honest with myself, than I have to admit I’d love to ask my computer what I should do about feeling blue.

Abulafia¹: What seems to be the problem?

me: I feel sad. Well, maybe more like hopeless.

Abu: Okay. Can you be more specific?

me: I’m tired of being poor and worried about money all the time.

Abu: Have you tried getting a job?

me: There is no precedence that shows my getting a job will alleviate the problem.

Abu: Well… have you tried Googling any news on the Diablo III release? Also, I broke your Photoshop.  Sorry.

“Depressed astronauts might get computerized solace” at USA Today. 

 ¹I name my computers, yes, and this one is named Abulafia.

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October 31st, 2008 | Techie, The Future

2 Responses to “When Abu Malfunctions, Hardly Anyone Dies”

  1. quagmire Says:

    Exceptionally poignant to me, because when I gots dem ol’ rainy-day-and-I’m-outta-gin-blues, I break out the game console and frelling kill all the shit I can with BFG’s … then I is full of WIN!
    LMAO again when Abu sez: “Sorry, I broke your Photoshop” … cheeky lil’ bastard laptop ya got there. Threaten him with a viral attack kick to his Southbridge groin.
    Hey! Just reminded meselves, I gotta run to the liquor store.

  2. j Says:

    HAHAHA! I love it! Thank you for tickling my smile!

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