Press your spaceface close to mine

The Very Definition of FAIL

Posted by Sunday on Apr 3, 2009 at 6:50 pm in Daily Space, Movies

Okay. Do you understand who this is?


No?  Not yet?  How about like this:


THE FUCKING KURGAN.  If for some strange reason you find this unimpressive (and honestly, if you find the presence of THE KURGAN unimpressive I suggest you have your everything examined by a licensed physician), perhaps you will find this more to your taste:


I don’t mean to freak you out or anything, but that is Rawhide from Buckaroo motherfucking Bonzai.  No?  Still not feeling it?  Not even if I reminded you about Sgt. Zim?


No, no, not Busey, the other one.  Oh yeah, and that television show everyone loves to bitch about not making any sense… what’s it called?  Gone?


This pains me so much I can’t even type.  I’m having a genuinely hard time.  Today, as I was at work searching for something on the company database, I looked up and there he was.  Clancy Brown, THE KURGAN.  And, after a million different things I could say went through my mind, all I could squeak out was,

“Can I… can I help you find anything?”


That was it.  Nothing else.  Over.  I didn’t say “Nuns.  No sense of humor.”  For this alone Halcyon will not speak to me for a week.

I’ll understand if my Nerd membership is now up for review.

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April 3rd, 2009 | Daily Space, Movies

7 Responses to “The Very Definition of FAIL”

  1. quagmire Says:

    You poor Spacebuddy. Don’t beat yer self up too bad. What happened to you today is actually very common when a person from the sofa side of TV meets/sees/confronts a personage from ‘inside’ the box. Over my tenure in L.A. I found myself face-to-face with at least half a dozen celebs and/or famous personalities. And yes, even I, who claim to be bereft of Star idolatry, acted exactly as you did. Every time I either mumbled some inane idiocy or just gaped open-mouth as they slid back into the shadows.
    I know I’ve told you this story, but I’ll share it with our friends here:
    Standing in one of those interminable lines at Disneyland in 100° heat, looked to me left and three feet from my shoulder was a very corpulent Marlon Brandow with his 13 Tahitian kids in tow. Our eyes connected for quite some time, just staring, me with flies entering my pie-hole and stupid, he smiling and putting his index finger to his lips in the universal ‘please don’t say anything friend!’ gesture. I was his hero for 20 seconds as he and his trailing brood were pushed through a side door into Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. At first I was pissed by his special treatment, then, after pondering his plight, realized he lived in a terrible world of dodging the public, even just to play with his kids.
    So don’t feel bad kiddo, that was a normal reaction.
    Whew! This is one long fuckin’ comment … I’m tired and need libation.
    Atmo, Atmo! Where’s that Engineer when I need him?

  2. nypinta Says:

    If I was confronted with the Kurgan, I’d squeak too.

  3. xadrian Says:

    Look on the bright side, at least you didn’t quote a Mr. Krabs line to him.

  4. Cmdr Sue London Says:

    Awesome! I love Clancy Brown! Don’t forget the creepy preacher role on Carnivale, or Captain Hadley in “Shawshank Redemption.” Then he freaks you out by playing completely likable characters like “The Guardian”… Captain Hadley. Yes, he played two completely different Captain Hadleys. I assume that is a Hollywood joke.

    Just be proud you got words out.

  5. Zombie Jesus Says:

    Also you didn’t nearly break into tears and start trembling like I did when Matt Groening came into my work. So well done there.

  6. Nastybear Says:

    Yeah no problem sound like you managed to speak at least. If George Lucas walk into the room with me I would just fall to the ground and prostrate myself as Tina rolled her eyes.

  7. DancingDog Says:

    I saw Hercules from about 10 feet away a couple weeks ago… all I could say was …. “its Kevin… It kevin!” Oli had NO IDEA who I was looking at. So I p[osted the pic I took of him.. Turns out he was actually taking a pictures of ME! well.. of the long ass line I was in.

    and just to put this in perspective.. I never actualyl watched Hurcules… in fact I have never actually seen ANYTHING Kevin Sorbo has done because I couldn’t stomach the cheese.

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