Press your spaceface close to mine

I admit that I read celebrity blogs, but covertly and with that brand of defensive, proud shame that comes with most porn-viewing. I’m a grown-up, I can read about Naomi Campbell’s repeated arrests if I want to.

One line of regular interest is whether or not Will Smith and his wife Jada are Scientologists. Or rather, whether or not they are going to publicly admit it. Because the public accepts Smith as the next great American Action Actor, seeing past his skin and into his car-chase-sequencing, slang-crowing heart. Now run the same experiment, but with the Scientology parameter added. Result: possible microscopic drop in the hundreds-of-millions Smith might could make on a picture. And we can’t have that, can we?

The Smiths are regularly spotted chillin’ with Shorty McLoonytoons himself, Tom Cruise, which some might argue is not a solid indicator of one’s religious beliefs. However, I beg to differ: it is made clear both in Scientology reference material and in members’ actions that fraternization with non-Scientologists is strictly discouraged. Though it is oddly not spoken of, Cruise’s own divorce from Nicole Kidman was most certainly due to her long-malingering refusal to submit to Scientology in total. Neither party has spoken of this directly, but Kidman’s quiet assurances that she remains Catholic at heart are as close as she can probably get without finding herself accidentally sticking her head into a noose and then accidentally falling off a balcony. The internet abounds with testimonies of ex-Scientologists who were parted from their non-Scientoligist friends and family – even marriage partners, and sometimes forcibly. Classic cult tactics. For the Cruises to be seen repeatedly with the Smiths in public is a very, very strong indicator that the Smiths are at least superficially entertaining Xenu.

The Smiths, as you may or may not have heard, are behind a new private school called The New Village academy (set to open this September), a charitable, benign venture few people fussed over until this week when it was noticed at the school’s website the inclusion of certain Scientology terms.

The school’s spokesperson claims that yes, certain teaching methods at The New Village Academy were pioneered by L. Ron Hubbard, but no, the school was not a “Scientology school.” She also defended the confirmation of several Scientologist teachers by pointing out there were Christian, Muslim and Jewish teachers as well.

As you can probably guess, the logic starts to fall apart pretty quickly. For starters, there are no Jesus or Mohammad methods of teaching at the school as there are L. Ron Hubbard methods. A tiny bit of digging also reveals that the method The New Village Academy will be employing, called “Study Tech,” is in itself a method of converting/reinforcing Scientology beliefs. In other words, it is like saying that a school will have bible study, but that the school in not religious in nature.

A good breakdown of what a Scientology school is structured like can be found at the Ex-Scientology Kids website. Take special note of the section titled “What are the differences between a Scientology school and a public school / regular school?” It takes some reading through, but once you start to spot the typical “Study Tech” weirdnesses, you can see them worded differently or renamed in The New Village Academy’s website. And example of this is the Scientology method of the “clay demo,” or being able to demonstrate understanding of an idea as a 3D piece of clay (the idea being that the spirit learns based on physical, 3D events – this all goes back to space aliens, trust me). At The New Village Academy, it is referred to as:

Mastery can be tested traditionally with pen and paper, but often we prefer to have children demonstrate their understanding by creating models.

I’ll leave it to you to determine how a student might demonstrate their understanding of spelling or long-division by creating a model.

The New Village Academy website.

“Scientology is focus of flap over Will Smith’s new school,” at The LA Times.

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July 2nd, 2008 | Daily Space, Movies

4 Responses to “Will Smith Often Battles Aliens for a Living, Ironically Opens Scientology School”

  1. quagmire Says:

    Any site that starts making real money from advertisers has been on the interweb circuit too fucking long. They start selling their selves and whoredom is not far behind. I just wanna be Mr. Pimp-daddy to about a dozen of these money makers and retire to Paros Paradise.

  2. quagmire Says:

    I just had an epiphany:
    - Will Smiff
    - John Travolting
    - Tommy Cruiser
    - ad nauseum
    Each heavily into fi-sci ‘alien’ genre movies and making bank.
    And Scientolofreaks ALL!
    … hmmm, do I smell the sweet cordite of a smoking gun or what?

  3. quagmire Says:

    … oops! heh hehheh, the gin is winning folks.
    That first comment up there belongs in the post about boink-boink (spelling intentional!), ‘boink’ had a very distinct meaning when I was a wee lad, it meant to fuck someone … or something, depending on yer leanings. So, following that train, Boink Boink is to really fuck someone doubly good. Just sayin’…

  4. Leesa Says:

    shhhh! they’ll hear. First Mega BB, now the Scientologists… what do you have a death wish, or what?

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