Sorry to rape, murder and then beat a dead horse, but I can’t help it. I have limited obsessive-compulsive tendencies.
Fringe is pretty laughable. In fact, I’m not even sure the general public is going to tolerate it for longer than a year or two. It’s baby days, still, sure, but that baby better turn into a swan, because at this stage it looks like a goddamn troglodyte. But hey! It’s free on Hulu.com right now! And what else do I have to do while I wait for employment callbacks?
Let’s make a spoilery list on Episode 2!
- Nearly three straight minutes of screaming is severely testing my patience and the episode has barely even started.
- Hint to screenwriters: no nurse has ever yelled to a doctor “WE GOT TO CUT THIS BABY OUT NOW, DOCTOR!” and especially not while the patient was conscious. If there ever were a nurse that had done that, I guarantee you she is now lying in parts at the bottom of a biohazard containment pit.
- Okay, okay. I’m TRYING to remain OPEN. But the mass of a biological entity the size of a human being simply cannot grow in a matter of minutes. It just can’t. Or rather, there would be such in incredible consumption of raw energy (not to mention energy waste) that the room would have heated to like a 1000° or something. Don’t check my math, just roll with me. You know what I’m saying? Laws of physics simply don’t allow for that kind of organic growth, not even in fringe science.
- There is no such thing as “medical grade leak-proof linen”.
- Also, if Clarice Starling taught me anything, it’s that female FBI agents who stomp off and get teary every time they encounter a serial killer’s victim are going to get EATEN ALIVE. Maybe literally.
- Hint to screenwriters: even hookers get suspicious when some guy with a duffel bag takes them to a warehouse in the middle of nowhere.
- Okay, okay. Everyone, screenwriters: it is very, very rare for impregnation to occur in under 30 minutes. Which is the point the plot hinges on: man with super-advanced aging porks hooker, hooker gets pregnant with super-advanced aging baby, etc. etc. Why would the sperm even live long enough to impregnate her? The lifespan of a single sperm is 2-7 days in normal people — in a super-advanced ager it would be like, a fraction of a second. And should it have even lived long enough to impregnate her, it would probably encounter the egg in the fallopian tube, which would have led to instant death from ectopic pregancy. That’s even assuming her uterus could contain something growing that fast without rupturing, which it couldn’t. GODDAMN IT, IT TAKES ONLY A LITTLE EFFORT TO FAKE SCIENCE. Take a fucking minute to make it sound plausable, you asswads!
My face is stuck like this.
- I’m sorry, none of these people feel like they have any experience with anything at all. Would it kill someone to throw in little bits of reality, like have someone ask “Are we recording?” during a crucial visual experiment? There’s zero humanity. Ever. No one eats. No one checks someone else’s math. Agent
SculderDunham is clearly going to be both Mulder and Scully, both a believer and rigidly moralistic while adopting a permanent expression of slightly put-out disapproval. The kid will always be the cruelly disbelieving shit who is alternately a genius, a lothario and a dumbass. Denethor will be Denethor. Astrid Farnsworth should be getting a spin-off show any day now.
Meh. It was okay. It didn’t make me immediately crave another one, like some deliciously improbable shows. (House, are you there? It’s me, Sunday.) The special effects were surprisingly uninspired. I’m sure some of the medical stuff gave some viewers shivers, but it was straight-up CSI crap – did they blow the whole budget on redubbing the screaming over and over until it was sufficiently shrill?
In conclusion in conclusion:
Boo.September 18th, 2008 | TV