Press your spaceface close to mine

Legend: Legend of the Legend Legend

Posted by Sunday on Dec 12, 2008 at 2:08 am in TV, Unicorns & Wizards

Like many scifi nerds I have a low tolerance for fantasy.  I’d like to say that it’s just the repetition, but science fiction isn’t exactly summer’s eve fresh, if you catch my drift.  Leesa remarked that all too often it reads like a romance novel with ancillary sorcery, and I think she’s right; if you take the science out of most science fiction you’d have a broken storyline, if you take the magic out of a fantasy novel, you have… a novel.

On the other hand, I think The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings are neccessary reading for anyone, anywhere.  Plenty of smack has been spoken of them (the cool have always delighted in toppling the giants of the past) and I don’t have a lot to say about those people – fools walk the earth, I can’t deny it.  Furthermore, and lending somewhat less credence to my love for Tolkein, is my enjoyment of what can only be described as bad fantasy.  It’s like watching a sitcom or eating tatertots with nacho sauce for dinner: I never meant for anyone to see me do it, but there it is.

My point: newly debuted television show Legend of the Seeker, baby of Sam Raimi (hello, Xena!) and author Terry Goodkind is exactly what I mean when I curl my lip and say “Fantasy?”  I mean, this is’s description:

“In a distant land, Richard Cypher discovers his true destiny as he, a mysterious young woman, a wise old wizard and a magical sword are all that stand between the evil tyrant Darken Rahl and his quest for total domination. “

Whoa, whoa, wait a second.  There’s a handsome, young, well-meaning pauper lad, a mysterious and physically stunning young woman, an aged wizard and some kind of enchanted sword?  And an evil tyrant with the word “Dark” in his first name?  I don’t get it.

An aside: I keep reading the name as “Drunken Rahl” which impresses me, and then I catch my error and am disappointed.


I am but a lowly forest lad, building things for charity.

Anyway, this is what I’m thinking, as I am sure you are: please.  Just… stop.  Why are you doing this to yourselves?  I mean, you’re the sorority girl at the party getting wasted on Long Island Iced Teas and then puking on herself.  You’re an embarrassment but worse you’re a cliched, predictable, dime-a-dozen embarrassment.



And then I started watching the show.

And oh god, is it terrible.  And delightful.  A kind of hysterical, overseasoned superfantasy top-heavy with slo-mo and dramatic CG, it is that glistening pink donut encrusted with sprinkles that makes you say “I can’t, I’m a grown-up,” and then you’re cramming it into your mouth, icing smeared over your face and hands while onlookers queasily retch.


I guess I would pay to see a 7-foot tall man holding a chicken on his nethers.

Bruce Spence?!  Is that you?   Dear god, man, you were the Gyro Pilot in Mad Max, what are you doing here?  Bruce Spence who played the role of The Mouth of Sauron (a scene that should never have been cut from the theatrical release) in The Return of the King, or one of the Strangers in Dark City?

Oof.  Well, here’s my advice: if you’re home sick or pretending to be sick or maybe want to be sick, you can do worse than to sit around and watch Legend of the Seeker.  I recommend laying in a nearby store of strong liquor, a bowl of popcorn, some cherry cordials and holy shit is that Haldir from Lord of the Rings?  This show is knee-deep in LOTR sloppy seconds!  Anyway, it’s pretty, it’s confusing, it’s not like you have a huge holiday to prepare for in the next two weeks, so watch up.

Legend of the Seeker at

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December 12th, 2008 | TV, Unicorns & Wizards

7 Responses to “Legend: Legend of the Legend Legend”

  1. bobeena Says:

    he-he, so David & Heather DVR this show to watch together. I guess he thinks it’s a good introduction to fantasy sci-fi for the young one. They seem to enjoy it, with some grumbling by David every now and then.

  2. Sunday Says:

    Well that is certainly true: it is a good introduction for a young one. And it kind of has this “so wrong its right” thing going on, like, why not take every fantasy story ever written and make a show out of it? No reason, I guess. It’s just missing some awesome metal guitar solos.

  3. quagmire Says:

    Actually, I watched a coupla first epi’s and I distinctly remember some heavy, Fuzz-Buster rendered, 140 decibel rifts playing out of left rear surround speaker … or (theory B), I must remember to get some more of that doob from the old lady next door, cause it is full of aural enhancement molecules. Science.

  4. Nastybear Says:

    Yes the Heather watches the show with me and I do grumble some since I read all the books. It’s mostly when they use a character in the wrong way or place. Heather gets irked at the slow motion combat thing but I think she digs Richard when he takes off his shirt. I think the show is okay and is getting the overall feel so far but as with any thing Sam Ramey it does has a cheese ball feel to it in places. One thing it has over Xena is they seem to know how to stab people with there swords and daggers in this one!

    The gyro dude I cant believe I missed that!

  5. Sunday Says:

    quagmire: I think you’re right, by episode 3 or 4 there was some distinct guitar fuzz. I know I couldn’t have been the only person sitting around wondering if Lord of the Rings would have been even awesomer if C Average were doing the soundtrack.

    Nastybear: I haven’t read the books, which I’m certain for me is a good thing; most books I enjoy would undoubtedly be ruined by a television adaptation, and I assume The Sword of Truth series would be no different.

    You know, Richard reminds me of a young Nathan Fillion, does he to you?

  6. nypinta Says:

    Love LOTR. My guilty pleasure/pink sparkly donut? Disaster flicks. All of them. 10.5 Category 7. Earthquake! Volcano! Super Volcano! (Love titles with exclimation marks in them.) And I am so looking forward to 2012. The disaster flick to end all disaster flicks.

  7. halcyon Says:

    Nypinta sounds like our kinda people!

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