Press your spaceface close to mine

Here’s an integral part of understanding my personality: once, when reading a book about sharks¹ I had to close the blinds of the window next to me because I was so overwhelmed with apprehension that a shark could smell my fear.  In my defense, I lived only a mile away from the ocean.  Okay, an inlet.

Meanwhile, scientists are just now catching up to the idea that sharks may not “accidentally” eat the shit out of people all the time, as they so vehemently insist on insisting.  For years now I’ve wondered, why shouldn’t we be applying the same logic to human murderers?  That psychopath mistook that woman for a ham sandwich, he didn’t mean to kill her.  Look, he only stabbed her twice and then he ran: proof that he suddenly became aware that she wasn’t the ham sandwich he had hoped her to be.

What if – and bear with me here, I know it’s hard – what if the sharks know full well that we are made out of delicious, soft meat and in fact mean to eat us?

WHAT ABOUT THIS IS SO SURPRISING TO YOU?  You’re telling me that billions of years of evolution towards the most efficient predator on the planet might only be just now doing the math on consuming the other other white meat?   Hell, human beings just determined that giraffe milk is kosher, why not.

“Have Sharks Acquired a Taste For Humans?” via Swim At Your Own Risk

¹I assure you: not for fun.  For research.  Also, like Sun Tzu, I believe in knowing my enemy.

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June 8th, 2008 | Weird Science

2 Responses to “Scientists Come To Terms With Shark Threat, Local Blogger Rolls Eyes”

  1. aargh Says:

    i read that article, too. i thought of you, and how happy you must be that the scientific community had finally vindicated you. but then i thought that most likely your happiness would be fleeting, overshadowed by the fierce urgency to action. perhaps now the long overdue safeguards to protect humanity from the shark menace can be enacted.

  2. Sunday Says:

    I forgot to mention that a commenter on my Flickr account criticized a photo in which I express fear and revulsion of a shark, taking care to note environmental statistics at me. Now, they couldn’t have known, but Halcyon did some ad work a few years back (famous, award-winning ad work, ahem) that also listed environmental statistics for sharks. So basically, I was like, “Whatever, dude, I know that guy that made up those numbers.”

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